So, You Want To Be Exposed - Let's talk about what that really means....

I get asked some version of this all the time: “How can I be more like you?” “How do I become more exposed?” “Will you expose me?”

And I understand the questions. Because from the outside, what I've done probably looks liberating, or inspiring, or hot, or sexy.

And honestly? It is all of those things.

There is something incredibly freeing about being able to say: This is who I am. This is what I enjoy. This is what my naked body looks like. This is what gets my dick hard. I'm not going to hide any of it from you.

For me, there is absolutely a sexual component to that. I'm not going to pretend otherwise.

I like being naked. I like being seen. I like being admired. I like people finding me attractive. I like the fact that I can explore things that turn me on without pretending they don't.

But that's not the whole story.

For me, exposure is also about freedom, authenticity, self-acceptance, and pride. It's about being able to show up as a whole person instead of carefully dividing myself into the parts of Shaun that are acceptable to show people and the parts that need to stay hidden. That's a really amazing feeling.

But here's where I want you to slow down.

Because being exposed sounds pretty sexy in theory. It sounds sexy when you're imagining the moment somebody sees you naked for the first time. It sounds sexy that someone sees your penis, watches you get erect, or watches you spread your cheeks and show them your hole. It sounds sexy when you're thinking about people knowing exactly what your naked body looks like and is turned on. It sounds sexy when you're imagining somebody finding you incredibly attractive, even if that attraction is just as an object for sex.

It sounds sexy when you're horny and thinking: Fuck it. Why not?

But exposure isn't just the moment you're imagining.

Exposure is also what happens afterward. After you aren't horny anymore. After you shoot your load. After you walk away from your computer.

Exposure is also your real name attached to the picture that appears in your local newspaper as a sexual deviant. It's somebody you went to high school with recognizing you and sharing what they have learned about you in the Facebook reunion group. It's a coworker Googling you and taking her findings to the HR department because she is now threatened by you. It's somebody you haven't spoken to in twenty years knowing exactly what your naked body looks like and thinking you are disgusting. It's your mother seeing your exposure and calling you crying at 2PM on a Tuesday because she is so disappointed in you. It's realizing that something you thought was funny, sexy, or exciting five years ago is still out there five years later...and you have moved on.

It's having somebody recognize you from online, and making assumptions about you because of that picture without taking any time to understand the context or the intent. It's realizing that you don't get to decide who sees something once it is genuinely public and you have little control over the narrative. And it's knowing that if you change your mind later, you don't necessarily get to change the internet's mind with you.

That's the part that doesn't sound nearly as sexy.

And that's exactly why I want you to think about it.

An upshot of Shaun McMurtrie standing naked in the woods covered in oil.

Shaun McMurtrie standing naked in the woods with an erection.

SHAUN, HOW CAN I GET EXPOSED?

I HAD TO THINK ABOUT ALL OF THAT TOO

I didn't just wake up one morning and decide: You know what would be fun? Let's put my naked body, my sexuality, my real name, and my entire identity together on the internet.

Although, admittedly, that's pretty much where I eventually ended up.

But I thought about it. I thought about what I could gain. I thought about what I could lose. I thought about who might find me. I thought about who might judge me. I thought about what might happen to my professional life. I thought about what might happen to my personal life. I thought about what happens when you can't take something back. And I thought about things I couldn't possibly have anticipated.

And after taking all of that—the good stuff and the bad stuff, the sexy stuff and the decidedly unsexy stuff—I still decided: Yes. I want this.

That's an important distinction.

I'm not saying: “Don't do it.” I'm saying: “Know what you're actually choosing.”

Because if you're only thinking about the exciting part, the part when you are horny, the part that makes your dick rock hard, the part that you dream about...then you're not really making an informed decision.

You're making a decision about the fantasy.

And the fantasy isn't the same thing as the reality.

Shaun McMurtrie sitting on a park bench naked, one leg up, smiling.

This is probably one of the biggest things I would tell somebody who is considering going down this road.

Don't just imagine the moment of exposure. Imagine Tuesday afternoon three years later. You're sitting at work. You're having dinner with your family. You're dating somebody new. You're meeting a new friend. You're applying for a job. You're standing in line at the grocery store. And somewhere in the back of your mind is the knowledge that your naked body and your real name are publicly connected FOREVER.

Are you still okay with that?

Because that's the question. Not: “Would it be hot right now?” But: “Can I live with this when it is no longer exciting?”

For me, the answer is yes. That's why I'm doing this. I don't regret the fact that I've chosen to be exposed. I don't regret putting my name behind it. I don't regret allowing people to see parts of me that I spent a long time keeping hidden.

In fact, I feel more authentic because of it.

But that's my answer.

You don't get to borrow my answer.

Shaun McMurtrie sitting naked on a bed looking at his cell phone.

THINK ABOUT YOUR ORDINARY LIFE

AND NO, I WILL NOT EXPOSE YOU

This is probably the part I need to make decidedly clear, because I get asked....A LOT!

NO.

I will not expose you. I will not post you naked on my website. I am not going to take your pictures and post them somewhere online. I am not going to invite you to all of my exposure groups. I'm not going to “just share one.” I'm not going to share your pictures with some of my friends. I am not going to find you a master. I am not going to be your master or dom. I'm not going to mention your name because you think that would be hot.

I'm not going to be the person who makes the decision for you.

And there's a reason for that.

Because I think your exposure needs to belong to you.

I've had enough conversations with people and enough experience in this fetish to know that sometimes what someone really wants isn't necessarily about the exposure. Sometimes they want somebody else to make the decision for them.

And I understand why.

If somebody else does it, then maybe you don't have to own the decision. If you regret it afterward, you can blame them. If you become embarrassed, you can be angry at them. If it doesn't make you feel the way you thought it would, you can say: “I never should have let them do that to me.”

And I don't want any part of that.

I built this entire website and made this decision for myself.

I'm not interested in becoming the guy somebody can blame for their exposure afterward.

If you're going to make yourself public, you need to be able to own that decision.

There is an important distinction, though.

I want to be completely honest about something, because otherwise this probably sounds hypocritical.

I actually enjoy being exposed by other people. I like people sharing my pictures. I like people posting me on their own sites. I like people using my real name with my naked pictures. I like knowing that somebody else found my exposure exciting enough that they wanted to share it with other people. And yes, I have deliberately made myself available for that kind of attention. I consensually allow it, and in many cases I actively encourage it.

So why won't I do the same thing to somebody else?

Because what I enjoy having done to me isn't necessarily something I enjoy doing to someone else.

That's an important distinction for me.

I can enjoy being the person who gets exposed without wanting to be the person who exposes someone. I can enjoy giving someone permission to share me without wanting to take that decision away from somebody else. And I think there's something really important about recognizing that difference.

If that doesn't quite make sense, let's talk about anal sex. If you're a bottom and you really enjoy being penetrated, that doesn't mean you automatically want to top every other bottom you meet just because you know how much you enjoy it. What you enjoy experiencing yourself doesn't automatically tell you what you enjoy doing to somebody else.

That's pretty much how I feel about exposure.

My boundaries don't have to be identical to someone else's boundaries.

I'm comfortable with my own exposure. I've made that decision deliberately. I've put my name behind it. I've accepted the consequences. I've even built a website around it.

That's my choice.

If someone else wants that same kind of exposure, they need to make their choice.

I'm not going to make it for them.

Shaun McMurtrie sitting naked on rocks in the woods holding his erect penis in his hand.

AND NO, I AM NOT YOUR MASTER/DOM

This is another thing I want to make crystal clear.

I am not a master. I am not a dom type. I am not a findom. I am not interested in owning you. I'm not interested in humiliating you. I'm not interested in degrading you. I'm not interested in controlling your exposure.

Additionally, I am not a slave. I am not a submissive type. I do not pay for exposure. I am not interested in being owned. I'm not interested in being humiliated. I'm not interested in being degraded. I am not interested in being controlled.

That's not what I do. And that's not what my exposure is about.

I know that being exposed by somebody else is the often the entire point. I understand that. I often enjoy being exposed by others as well.

But that's simply not my thing to do to someone else.

My exposure is about something very different.

It's about owning myself.

And that's why I'm probably not the person you're looking for if what you really want is somebody else to take ownership of your exposure.

Sorry.

Shaun McMurtrie sitting naked in his car stroking his penis while wearing his prince albert piercing

SO, SHOULD YOU DO IT?

Honestly?

I don't know.

And I'm not going to tell you that you should.

I'm also not going to tell you that you shouldn't.

What I'm going to tell you is to think about the whole fucking picture.

Think about the freedom. Think about the excitement. Think about the attention. Think about being admired. Think about finally being able to say: “Fuck hiding.” Think about how hard your dick gets anytime you are exposed naked.

And then put all of that right next to the other stuff.

The permanence. The loss of control. The awkward conversations. The people you didn't expect to find you. The people who may judge you. The possibility of regret. The possibility that something you do today could follow you for decades. The possibility that the person you are today won't be exactly the same person you are ten years from now.

Think about all of it.

And then ask yourself:

If all of those things happened—both the things I want and the things I don't—would I still be proud of the decision I made?

Because that's where I ended up. I looked at the whole picture. I didn't just look at the sexy parts. I looked at the scary parts. I looked at the embarrassing parts. I looked at the permanent parts.

And I still said:

Yes.

I'm willing to own this. I'm willing to live with this. I'm willing to be the person whose name is attached to it. And I'm proud of that decision.

If you can honestly say the same thing about yourself, then maybe you're ready.

But don't do it because you want to be me.

You don't need to become Shaun McMurtrie.

You need to figure out what being completely, unapologetically you means. And if that means getting naked and putting your name behind it? Then own it.

Because the whole point of being exposed is that eventually, there isn't anybody or anything else to hide behind.