Sex and Sexuality - Who I Want. What I Want. What Gets Me Off.

Well, you wanted to know what makes Shaun McMurtrie's tattooed cock spring to attention.

This is where I talk about sex—and I mean my sex life, my sexuality, my desires, my turn-ons, my fantasies, my curiosities, and the things that get me going.

I'm not going to dress it up in academic language or pretend I'm writing a sex-education textbook. I'm talking about what I actually like. What turns me on. What makes my heart race. What gets my cock hard. What makes me want more. What I've tried. What I'd like to try. And the fantasies that live in my head whether I ever act on them or not.

I've spent enough of my life worrying about whether I'm supposed to fit somebody else's definition of sexuality. I'm much more interested in being honest about my own.

So this is me taking the filter off.

What I want. What I like. What I fantasize about. What turns me on. What gets my tattooed cock rock hard. What makes me cum.

If you're here because you really want to know what makes Shaun McMurtrie horny, you're in the right place.

SEXUAL ORIENTATION

Am I gay?

Sure.

Probably.

Mostly.

It's certainly the easiest word to use if neither of us has forty-five minutes to discuss the architecture of my emotional and sexual life.

I'm overwhelmingly sexually attracted to men. That's not particularly ambiguous. Put an attractive man in front of me and and my brain and dick know exactly what's up.

But I've never particularly liked labels, and “gay” has never completely matched the mental image I have of myself.

My actual history makes things even more complicated.

I've only had romantic relationships with women. I've never had one with a man.

And somehow none of that feels contradictory to me.

Shaun McMurtrie, standing naked in front of a pride flag holding a collection of rainbow Garfields.

Shaun McMurtrie standing nude next to his blooming red Christmas cactus.

Shaun McMurtrie naked with an intense stare pointing towards the camera.

SEX, LOVE, AND THE PEOPLE I CHOOSE

One of the most important relationships in my life is with a woman.

She's my best friend. We dated for three years. Today I call her my chosen person.

She's the person I want to call when something wonderful happens and when everything goes to shit. I want her opinion. I trust her judgment. I want to share experiences with her. She knows me extraordinarily well and, when necessary, tells me things I'd rather not hear.

In many respects, she's the closest thing I've experienced to an intellectual and emotional life partner.

There was just one fairly significant problem with the romantic relationship.

I'm sexually attracted to men.

Turns out that's important.

We've joked that we probably should have married each other and simply had sex with other people. Unfortunately, that arrangement apparently works considerably better in my head than in real life.

So we became something else.

Something I value enormously.

And that relationship taught me something important about myself: sexual attraction, emotional intimacy, intellectual connection, friendship, companionship, and romantic love don't necessarily arrive together for me.

I can experience profound intimacy with a woman without wanting sex with her.

I can desperately want sex with a man without wanting him to become my boyfriend.

Apparently the various departments responsible for my sexuality and emotional life do not hold regular staff meetings.

MEN

What I want from men has changed.

For a long time, male connection was largely sexual. Attraction. Sex. Fun. Everybody goes home.

And look, I'm still a guy.

Good sex is good sex.

But as I've gotten older, sex without connection has become increasingly unsatisfying.

I want more male friendships. I want more gay and LGBTQIA+ men in my life who understand some of the experiences we share. I want male camaraderie—the conversations, humor, understanding, stupidity, honesty, and peculiar ease that can happen when men genuinely become comfortable with one another.

I'd also love friendships with straight men who simply understand me.

They don't need to be nudists.

In fact, there's something strangely appealing about being the naked guy in a group of perfectly comfortable clothed men.

"Oh, that's Shaun. He's just always naked. That's normal."

Nobody panics. Nobody assumes nudity means sex. Nobody loses his mind because a penis exists in the room or because an erection occasionally happens to one.

I'm simply allowed to show up as myself.

That kind of acceptance is deeply appealing to me.

And, because apparently nothing in my life can remain psychologically uncomplicated for very long, it's also a turn-on.

Not necessarily because I want sex with the men involved.

Because I get to be completely exposed without being rejected for it.

That's a recurring theme with me.

Shaun McMurtrie naked standing next to a male friend wearing blue speedos.

Shaun McMurtrie standing naked by the pool with a nude male friend at Island House.

FRIENDS. WITH BENEFITS.

If you ask what kind of connection with men sounds most appealing to me now, this is probably the closest answer.

Friendship with a sexual component.

Hang out. Talk. Laugh. Get naked. Actually know something about each other. Maybe spend an evening naked together before anything sexual happens instead of treating conversation as the annoying obstacle between arriving and getting off.

And then, yeah. Have sex!

I don't need every sexual connection to become a relationship.

In fact, I'm not sure traditional romantic partnership is something I'm seeking at all.

I don't experience romantic attachment easily. Maybe there's some unexplored psychological explanation for that. Maybe there isn't. I'm not particularly interested in diagnosing myself because my life doesn't follow the expected script.

I know what deep attachment feels like. I know loyalty. I know intimacy. I know what it means for someone to become one of my people.

Romantic love? Honestly? I don't know. And I'm comfortable telling you that.

A close up image of Shaun McMurtrie licking an uncut penis.

A close up shot of Shaun McMurtrie kissing a man at Island House.

WHAT ACTUALLY TURNS ME ON

Now we can stop pretending everyone clicked this page exclusively for the psychological analysis.

Exposure gets me off. Not merely nudity. Exposure.

Being naked and known. My face. My body. My name. My sexuality. All connected.

That's why anonymous exhibitionism will never quite scratch the same itch for me. The knowledge that somebody isn't merely seeing a naked man but seeing Shaun McMurtrie naked changes the experience.

Filming can intensify it. Being photographed can intensify it. Sharing something afterward can intensify it. Being recognized by someone who has already seen me exposed can really intensify it.

Masturbation has a similar charge for me because we're taught to treat it as extraordinarily private. Two men openly sharing something normally done behind a locked door can feel remarkably intimate even when they're strangers.

That's why The Exposed Bator isn't just a funny name. Okay. It's also a funny name. But the idea underneath it is genuinely important to my sexuality.

Shaun McMurtrie naked next to the Marilyn Monroe statue on the streets of Key West, FL.

AND YES, I LIKE ACTUAL SEX

I may be a bator, but I also enjoy partner sex as well.

I'm versatile. I enjoy sex with men as both as a top and a bottom. I strongly prefer bareback sex and take PrEP, test regularly, and communicate openly with my partners. I enjoy oral sex and I do swallow. I love men who precum and do enjoy playing with the foreskin of uncut men. I love masturbation with other men, poppers, groups, erotic filming and photography, exhibitionistic scenarios, exposure, realistic roleplay, body grooming and shaving, baby oil, cum play, and watersports. Some interests are more important to me than others, and what I'm willing to do always depends on my mood, the person, circumstances, consent, and trust.

That's too many words for my Grindr profile.

Shaun McMurtrie, lying on his back, legs up in the air, showing his ass.

REALITY TURNS ME ON

Here's something else I've figured out about myself: I don't particularly enjoy fantasy for fantasy's sake.

I absolutely love realistic roleplay scenes. Doctor/patient, locker room, gym, garage... But pretending a hotel room is a doctor's office doesn't work for me.

It's a hotel room. I can see the fucking bed.

What excites me is plausibility.

Take something that could actually happen and push reality slightly beyond the ordinary.

A legitimate situation where I'm unexpectedly given permission to be naked. A photographer who takes me somewhere unusual. A consensual party where I'm encouraged to strip while everyone else remains clothed. An event where I end up naked on stage in front of an audience. Your private business where I am asked to be naked and exposed. Your office where you conduct an interview with me naked. A retail store where I am allowed to get naked out in the open to try on clothes...

Something where a little part of my brain can say: Holy shit. This is actually happening!

That's far more powerful to me than elaborate make-believe.

Also, I don't want to pretend to be somebody else. The entire point is that it's really me.

Shaun McMurtrie naked in his kitchen, holding a rolling pin, and covered in flour.

SHOW ME OFF

There's another kind of man I've become increasingly interested in.

The true voyeur.

Not merely somebody who enjoys looking at me, although I'm certainly not going to complain about that.

I mean the guy who understands my exhibitionism and enjoys helping me explore it. Someone creative. Someone bold. Someone who thinks, I know exactly what Shaun would get a kick out of. AND, more importantly, someone who gets off on being the one to expose me.

Take me somewhere interesting. Find the consensual naked event. Suggest the photograph I wouldn't have thought of. Encourage me onto the stage. Help create the situation where I'm standing there thinking: I cannot believe I'm actually doing this....NAKED AND EXPOSED to everyone.

I'm usually the person who wants control. That's important to me.

But there's a tiny little crack in that certainty that I find fascinating.

What would happen if I trusted another man so completely that I could occasionally let him take the lead?

I don't know.

That level of trust would have to be earned.

I don't want to be controlled. I don't want to be dominated. But there is some appeal in having a trusted friend who understands my brain and says, "I will help push you to your limits and keep you safe. Let me help you have some fun."

An AI image of Shaun McMurtrie naked on the street, holding his shirt open.

SOME THINGS JUST AREN'T MY THING

Being sexually adventurous doesn't mean everything turns me on.

Pain doesn't. Bondage doesn't. Artificial roleplay generally bores the hell out of me.

Bad hygiene is an instant turn off in any situation. I know many men love the word "musk" or are into pits. I am NOT that guy. I would prefer if you smelled like a fresh shower or even an Abercrombie and Fitch store over that just-finished-at-the-gym aroma.

Hard drugs are an instant turn off as well. If you want to drink, smoke some weed, and do some poppers....that is all fine by me. If it is more than that, please don't invite me to that party.

And being an exhibitionist certainly doesn't mean that anybody gets unlimited access to me.

Desire is not consent. Fantasy is not permission. Nudity is not an invitation to sex. There are many times that my exhibitionism is only about being seen, not about being touched.

Context matters. Trust matters.

Other people's consent matters too. Something being exciting because it feels exposed doesn't give me—or anyone else—the right to drag unsuspecting people into a sexual situation.

That's one reason the distinction between fantasy and reality matters so much.

If something actually happens, the people involved should actually want to be involved.

Shaun McMurtrie naked in leather gear in a dungeon background.

Something else that isn't part of what I enjoy is exposing others. If you want to know more about why that doesn't do anything for me, despite loving to be exposed myself, check this out:

SO WHAT AM I LOOKING FOR?

More connection.

That's probably the simplest answer.

More men in my life.

More gay male friends. More male camaraderie. More people who understand that nudity doesn't frighten me and sexuality doesn't embarrass me.

Maybe more friends with benefits.

Definitely more people with whom I can be unusually honest.

I'm not advertising for a husband. I'm not secretly hoping Prince Charming arrives at my door, sees me naked, and finally resolves the complicated narrative arc of my sexuality.

Although if he's bringing pizza, I'll at least hear him out.

I'm looking for people with whom I can show up completely.

Men who are intelligent. Funny. Kind. Open-minded. Confident enough not to be threatened by me. Bold enough to challenge me occasionally. Curious enough to try something unusual. Responsible enough to understand boundaries.

Physically, my tastes are pretty broad. Men around my age—and plenty on either side of it—get my attention. Average bodies, dad bods, muscular bodies. I tend to notice smoother men more than very hairy ones.

A great smile helps.

A beautiful penis certainly doesn't hurt.

But personality can make an attractive man considerably hotter.

And an attractive asshole considerably less so....

Shaun McMurtrie standing naked, hand over his eyes, peering into the camera.

A close up image of Shaun McMurtrie's shaved and tattooed penis.

THIS ISN'T A LABEL

Maybe that's ultimately why Sex & Sexuality is the right name for this page.

I'm not trying to provide a definitive answer to the question 'What is Shaun?'

I don't particularly care.

I'm telling you what my experience actually is.

I'm sexually attracted to men.
I've built some of my deepest emotional relationships with women.
I want more meaningful relationships with men, including friendships that may sometimes include sex.
I love nudity.
I love masturbation.
I love exhibitionism.
I love being seen.

And more than almost anything else sexually, I love the collision between being exposed and being known.

That's why my real name matters. That's why my face matters. That's why the website matters. That's why some random anonymous naked picture of me will never feel quite the same as knowing someone is looking at the photograph and thinking:

That's Shaun McMurtrie. I know exactly who I'm looking at.

I don't need all of that to resolve itself into a perfectly convenient identity.

Maybe complexity isn't something I need to solve. Maybe it's simply something I need to stop editing out.

So that's my sexuality.

Or at least the current version of it.

Complicated. Male-focused. Intimate. Exhibitionistic. Occasionally filthy. Frequently naked. And simply mine..